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Kies het best bij uw situatie passende tekst hieronder uit en klikt u er maar eens lekker stevig met de muis op los:

1. Sorry, het was niet zo bedoeld!
2. We zullen betalen!
3. Het spijt ons!
4. U heeft gelijk!
5. We treffen direct maatregelen!

Hieronder staan de teksten iets verder uitgewerkt:

1. Sorry, het was niet zo bedoeld! U heeft zich vast herkent in een personage in een onzer publicaties. Het geval wil dat overeenkomsten tussen deze personages en de werkelijkheid niet op toeval berusten. Wees dus gerust, het gaat waarschijnlijk over u en niet een fictief bestaand persoon.
    
2. We zullen betalen! Uiteraard is de redactie de beroerste niet en zullen we per direct de gewenste dwangsom of het geëiste smartengeld betalen. Uiteraard met aftrek van onkosten, afgerond in ons voordeel en in Iraakse dollars.
    
3. Het spijt ons! Het collectieve hartje van de redactie klopt zachtjes in e-mineur wegens het leed dat u zo onbedoeld is berokkend. U heeft hierbij toestemming om in naam van de redactie een lekker ruikertje voor uzelf aan te schaffen. Denkt u er wel aan ons te vermelden op het bijgevoegde kaartje?
    
4. U heeft gelijk! In uw eigen kleine wereldje heeft u altijd gelijk. De redactie trekt dit niet in twijfel en stemt volmondig met u in. De redactie hoopt echter wel dat u binnenkort het immigratiebeleid van uw eigen kleine wereldje iets versoepelt.
    
5. We treffen direct maatregelen! U vindt het klaarblijkelijk noodzakelijk dat de redactie maatregelen treft. De redactie zal hieraan onmiddelijk gehoor geven, aangezien het verlies van een lezer als u natuurlijk catastrofaal is voor het algemeen belang van Bitchez!.
   

Hopende u hiermee voldoende van dienst te zijn geweest,

        Het Bitchez! Team.